Satire–In the inevitable event that President Trump is again revealed to be involved in illegal, unethical, and just fucking evil shit, Trump is planning an international crisis as a global distraction.
While the Trump administration has been manufacturing national crises for months to distract from the day-to-day lies and corruption coming out of the White House, administration officials say the fake international incidents will be deployed when they really fuck up.
“Imagine when we have incontrovertible proof that Trump and his campaign were colluding with Russia and changing the Republican platform and national policy in return for Russia’s help in the election,” predicted former CIA Planetary Chaos Coordinator (PCC) Jason Strauss. “When that happens, he’s going to need a national security threat on the scale of at least the Gulf of Tonkin, maybe even WMDs in Iraq.”
Insiders reveal that some of the proposed worldwide shitstorms include a preemptive strike on N. Korea, a fabricated CIA-backed coup in Argentina, and an accidental nuclear attack on Australia.
But none of these crises will be enough to obfuscate the lying and corruption of the current administration. Other potential future scandals include conflicts of interest that will be revealed when Trump’s tax returns are subpoenaed, selling access to the presidency or pay-to-play, and the exposure of any number of previous titanic lies
“We’re going to need some back-up global emergencies in the bag for whatever scandal is surely to arise from our morally bankrupt regime,” Reince Preibus admitted. “It’s like a clown car unloading a never ending stream of lies.”